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TOP TEN TABLOID HEADLINES OF THE
YEAR 2001
Chosen and with editorial comment by Mike Oelrich*
10 ONE ANGRY WOMAN, A SHARP KNIFE & 13 men whose lives
will never be the same! — WWN
This is the only headline I’ve ever read that sounded like it was written by
Raymond Chandler.
9 126 reasons you should never get drunk at a tattoo convention! — WWN
This one allows our imaginations to do all the work.
8 THE WORLD IS RUNNING OUT OF VAMPIRES & GHOULS Monster rights groups
blame President Bush! — WWN
I love the goofy juxtapositions of some of these heds. This one
beautifully combines horror fantasy with anti-Political Correctness backlash.
7 Charles Bronson’s brain is for sale! — WWN
Let’s diagram this one, shall we? Charles Bronson’s | brain | is
for sale. Each of the three segments doesn’t seem to belong in the same
sentence with the other two. Together, they send our synapses on a giddy wild
goose chase. Reading this headline is like taking your first sip of champagne.
6 550,000 Elvises can’t be wrong! — WWN
It doesn’t matter what you believe about the argumentative force of
consensus — the idea of there being over half a million Elvises is
awe-inspiring.
5 Iraqi madman’s pantyhose secret! — WWN
Four little words that manage to make Jingoism kinky.
4 New hope for the dead! — WWN
All together now — “Huh?”
3 Noah had dinosaurs on the Ark! — SUN
Now wouldn’t that be cool? And how come they didn’t eat all the
animals?
2 Man sets lard-eating record! — WWN
How can such a normal sounding headline conjure up such an incredibly
disgusting image?
1 Was medieval ‘demon’ a giant squirrel? — WWN
This scholarly headline makes a mockery of both science and the
intelligence level of our ancestors. Note: Any headline with the word ‘squirrel’
in it is bound to make my monthly list.
*Mike Oelrich is the editor of THE MAGBAG, Chicagoland's source for magazine news,
which publishes a monthly list of the top ten tabloid headlines in every
issue.
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