April
26, 2010
World Intellectual Property
Day
BIRTHDAYS
Frederick Law Olmsted 1822
Jerry Blackwell 1949
Joe Crede 1978
A Note About City
Newsstand's HEADLINE WORLD
It's come
to my attention that once again an Asian newspaper has reprinted one of
the headlines in City Newsstand's HEADLINE WORLD as being true. May
I take this opportunity to reiterate that the headlines in City
Newsstand's HEADLINE WORLD are meant to be used for entertainment purposes
only, not informational purposes, because as much truth may or may not be
contained in them there is virtually NO fact. City Newsstand's
HEADLINE WORLD only came about because The Weekly World News ceased
publication so Mike found himself in the position of having to write the
funny headlines himself. He has accomplished that task with mixed
success at best. So to the good people of Taipei we apologetically
say, "To the best of our knowledge actor Tom Cruise has never played
basketball with actor Danny DeVito, sober or otherwise."
NEW MAGAZINES
All titles below are new to the
store but those with a * are also newly
published.
*04/18/10
The Gentlewoman: From the makers of Fantastic Man.
*04/18/10 Knit & Crochet Style: In English. Printed in
Germany.
*04/18/10 Show Girlz Latina: 100%
Latina!
*04/18/10
L'Officiel Hors Série: With English version.
*04/18/10
Perfect Day: Ideas & inspiration to personalise your wedding.
UK.
*04/09/10 Snow
Leopard Genius Guide: 178 pages of essential tips & techniques.
UK.
*04/09/10
iPhone & iPad App Directory: Your guide to the best
applications for iPhone, iPod Touch & iPad. UK.
04/07/10
Orlando Attractions Magazine: Disney & beyond.
04/07/10 Your Wedding... Imagine Magazine: Canada.
THINGS WE LEARNED FROM READING MAGAZINES TODAY
Sometime Genesis frontman Phil Collins owns 18
cannonballs used in the battle of the Alamo.
-- May Harper's
18,000 structures were destroyed in the Great Chicago Fire.
-- May-June Mental Floss
City Newsstand's HEADLINE WORLD
Your incredible source for
unbelievable headlines!
GOURMET POI CHAIN CLOSES
ITS LAST OUTLET
NORTH DAKOTA TOURISM
DOUBLES AFTER
A CHICAGO FAMILY OVERSHOOTS MINNEAPOLIS
ANIMAL ACTIVISTS 'LIBERATE'
OVER 200 LAB RATS INFECTED WITH BUBONIC PLAGUE!I
MAN EATING OSTRICH SITS TWO
TABLES AWAY FROM MAN EATING WILD BOAR!
STUDENT GENETICS
RESEARCHERS REPRIMANDED AFTER CROSSING
A COHO, A WALLEYE, AND A MUSKIE TO BE FUNNY
April
19, 2010
Feast of Waltrude
BIRTHDAYS
Eliot Ness 1903
Tim Curry 1946
Ruby Wax 1953
Ode to a Newsstand
2010
Laid out on the racks so orderly
are Cosmo, Spin and Gentleman's Quarterly.
Glistening in rows so sleekly
are Rolling Stone, Real Simple, and Pro Football Weekly.
More informative than Brinkley & Huntley
are Newsweek, Time, and Washington Monthly.
A perfect gift for holiday giving --
Elle or Vogue or Martha Stewart Living.
Though some might find some issues a snooze
(check Vanity Fair and Shotgun News)
Another ish can be quite a corker --
just take a look at the new New Yorker!
One magazine that's quite oversized
is Miami's favorite, Ocean Drive.
Other 'zines are somewhat smaller
like Reader's Digest or Trapper & Predator Caller.
From Esquire, U.S. News & World Report,
Maxim, Flex and Auto Motor und Sport,
to Harper's Bazaar and Seventeen,
TV Guide and Bike Magazine,
taken alone they're all quite grand
but taken together they make a newsstand!
NEW MAGAZINES
All titles below are new to the
store but those with a * are also newly
published.
*04/09/10
Filament: For women who like hot men and intelligent thought.
*04/09/10 Jimon: Art. Fashion.
*04/09/10 Consumers Digest Complete Car
Guide: Expert reviews.
*04/09/10
ESPN World Cup Guide: Picks and predictions for all 32 teams.
*04/09/10
Mother Earth News Guide to Growing Your Own Food: Hundreds of great
ideas for any garden.
*04/09/10 Snow
Leopard Genius Guide: 178 pages of essential tips & techniques.
UK.
*04/09/10
iPhone & iPad App Directory: Your guide to the best
applications for iPhone, iPod Touch & iPad. UK.
04/07/10
Orlando Attractions Magazine: Disney
& beyond.
04/07/10 Your Wedding... Imagine Magazine: Canada.
THINGS WE LEARNED FROM READING MAGAZINES TODAY
A hairy leg may get sunburned more quickly than a
shaved one.
-- May Discover
Most
toilets flush in the key of E flat.
-- June BBC Knowledge
City Newsstand's HEADLINE WORLD
Your incredible source for
unbelievable headlines!
AMERICA GIVES UP ON DAVID
SOUL
APPLE TO CHARGE $529 FOR
NEW DIGITAL SHOE, THE iPED
MESH INSERTED DURING HERNIA
REPAIR PICKS UP HBO!
FIRST-TIME CAMPER LEARNS
WHAT CHIGGERS ARE
SCIENTIST CROSSES A BABOON
AND A BIT OF ORANGE PEEL
AND GETS A COOL, REFRESHING NEW APE!
April
9, 2010
Feast of Waltrude
BIRTHDAYS
Hugh Hefner 1926
Tom Lehrer 1928
Jim Fowler 1932
The Newsstand Mystique
What is it
about a newsstand that draws people in? Is it the military precision of
the magazines marching off the shelf like razzle-dazzle regiments of
reading? Is it the coverlines that sing to us like a cacophony of siren
songs? Is it the anarchy of the clash of thousands of voices competing to
be heard? I don’t know if there’s any one right answer, but perhaps we
can gain some insight into the question if we consider some of the ways
that newsstands suck people into their rainbow-realm of saddle-stitched
style and stimulation.
Like a buffet,
having more items displayed than any one person can possibly consume at
one time gives the fascinating appearance of an inexhaustible variety of
treats. The producers of both three-ring circuses and big Las Vegas
production shows have always known that showing people just a little more
than they can absorb at one time gives the illusion of showing way more
than they are. The human mind has difficulty distinguishing between a
little more than it can easily comprehend and infinity. (Think of the
young child who knows no difference between 30 years old and 100 years old
or between 100 dollars and a million dollars – they’re both more than
they can comprehend and therefore approximately the same.)
Checking out a
newsstand is a way for us to stick our heads above ground and see what’s
going on in the world outside of our own burrows. The newsstand is a place
where one can meet
the world head on, on equal footing with anyone.
Most of us have so
many people in our lives telling us we’re stupid – parents, spouses,
bosses, older siblings, etc. – that we all have the occasional need to
feel smart. In the television era, stopping at a newsstand and voluntarily
reading is enough to make any of us feel mildly virtuous.
The covers of
magazines clothe the racks in a crazy quilt of color, which stimulates us
at a visceral level that is quite apart from the cerebral. The fact that
the colors often reflect the season may appeal to us in yet a different
way. The magazines on a newsstand can be said to make up a sort of
fragmented reflection of the zeitgeist. Standing before a rack of
magazines is like peering into a shattered looking glass, each shard
distortedly reflecting a different aspect of the body politic, in an
ever-changing cubist representation of society.
Now
that you've read my fanciful ideas, tell us why newsstands appeal to YOU.
E-Mail us at: newsstand@citynewsstand.com
NEW MAGAZINES
All titles below are new to the
store but those with a * are also newly
published.
*04/01/10
L'Officiel Hommes Italia: Fashion reality.
*04/01/10 Be: Nouveau · travel.
04/01/10 Aero Australia:
Quarterly..
04/01/10 Capital: Printed
in Germany.
04/01/10 Tour: Das rennrad - magazin. Deutschland.
*03/30/10 Klack:
Photography & culture magazine.
03/30/10 Jewish Currents: A progressive secular voice.
THINGS WE LEARNED FROM READING MAGAZINES TODAY
The highest speed ever reached on a
conventional motorcycle is 252.6 mph.
-- April BBC Focus
A
cephalopod called a vampire squid is neither a vampire nor a squid.
-- June BBC Knowledge
City Newsstand's HEADLINE WORLD
Your incredible source for
unbelievable headlines!
MAN WHO LIKES PIÑA COLADAS
HAS ONLY HALF A BRAIN!
MAN-EATING TIGER IN
RESTAURANT IS ARRESTED FOR EATING ILLEGAL TIGER MEAT
MANSION HAUNTED BY THE
GHOSTS OF THE POOR PEOPLE
ITS OWNER CRUSHED TO GET RICH ENOUGH TO BUY A
MANSION
MANGOES TASTE GOOD!
MANY ELEPHANTS ARE
SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT THEIR SIZE
April
5, 2010
Feast of Vincent Ferrer
BIRTHDAYS
Spencer Tracy 1900
Albert R. Broccoli 1916
Frank Gorshin 1933
Johnny Chicago in The
Case of Mistaken Necessity
My brown size
8 fedora lay upside-down on the floor in the middle of my office.
Behind my desk with my tie off and my collar unbuttoned I slouched in my
swivel chair, lazily flipping a sticky pack of poker cards into the hat,
on-by-one. Well, at the hat, anyway -- some of them went in. I was
between cases, having wrapped up a dull but modestly remunerative
insurance inquiry a couple of Tuesdays ago. I was considering
locking up and going down to Al's to get an early start on the night's
drinking when a sharp rap came on the pebbled glass of my outer door, the
one that had "Johnny Chicago -- Discreet Investigations"
stenciled on it.
I jumped like a cat to open the door -- if I
didn't pay something on my tab at Al's soon I'd have to find an even
crummier joint to drink in. As I swung the door inward a man in a
rumpled suit rushed right past me and seated himself in the client's
chair.
"Close the door! Close the door!"
I did so and made the long walk around my desk to
my swivel and plopped down.
"Have a seat," I said, uselessly.
He was a fidgety little guy, maybe forty, neatly
shaven, hair recently and fashionably cut. His suit was rumpled but
of the first quality. His Swiss watch and Italian loafers told me he
had money, I just had to figure out how to separate him from some of it.
"So what can I do for you, Mister...?"
"No names!" he snapped.
"OK. I can play it that way. You
try to forget that my name is Johnny Chicago and I'll try to forget that
your name is Harold Jacklin."
Among the playing cards on the floor my keen
powers of observation had detected a card I hadn't thrown. I
responded to Jacklin's sputtering by nodding to it. He bent down to
pick it up and came up all red in the face, whether from exertion or embarrassment
I offer no opinion. He quickly stuffed the card back into his
pocket. He started to remonish me with something snooty like,
"Your sign said 'discreet'" when he did a double-take.
Looking at the mess on the floor he commented with a raised eyebrow,
"You don't seem very busy... "
It was my turn to turn red in the face but I
didn't. Without batting an eyelash I said, "Actually you've
interrupted some research I was conducting." That didn't seem
to fly so I added, "That poker player that was murdered down in
Stickney?"
He looked dubious but continued.
"What you can do for me is very simple,
really. I need you to buy some magazines for me."
"You don't need a private eye for
that. What's the catch?"
"No catch. It's just that my interests
are, um, diverse... " His eyes darkened and he added sternly,
"and they're nobody's business but my own."
"And now mine, too."
"I'm hoping I can rely on your
discretion."
"Oh, I'm the soul of discretion. How
diverse?"
"Nothing illegal or anything like that but
you may need to go to a dozen or so specialty shops to find them.
Here's a list."
He handed me a sheet torn neatly from a yellow
legal pad covered with scores of magazine titles written in a small,
formal hand. The selection was eclectic all right. There was
everything from specialized cooking magazine to obscure political &
literary journals to oddball puzzle mags to gun collecting, regional
titles and much more. I could see why he'd figured I'd be pretty
busy. I briefly considered taking his money but in the end I knew it
wouldn't be right.
I handed his list back to him.
"You don't need me. You can get all
this at City Newsstand in Chicago or the Chicago-Main Newsstand in
Evanston. I'll write down the addresses for you."
After he left I picked up all the poker cards and
went back to flipping them into the hat. I decided I couldn't afford
an early start on the night's drinking.
NEW MAGAZINES
All titles below are new to the
store but those with a * are also newly
published.
*03/28/10
Popular Crafts Complete Guide to Cardmaking: Rubber Stamping |
embossing | punchneedle | quilting. UK.
*03/28/10 Fantasy Art: Over 200
pages of tutorials, interviews and features for using Photoshop and
Painter.
*03/28/10 Dapper Dan: Men's fashion
& philosophy.
03/28/10 Power Torque: Australian
truck mag.
03/28/10 Fashion Music Style: Fill my senses. UK.
03/28/10 Design Quarterly: Australia..
03/28/10 Web Design: Visual lessons for online success. UK.
03/28/10 Post Modern Ink: Tattoos Art Lifestyle Culture.
03/28/10 Beautiful Britain: Celebrating the past, embracing
the future.
03/25/10 Super Yacht World: The international magazine for
superyachts of distinction. UK.
03/24/10 Republic Magazine: Politics with an edge.
03/24/10 GiardinAntico: Italy.
THINGS WE LEARNED FROM READING MAGAZINES TODAY
The Hundred Years War lasted 116 years.
-- May Empire
The
Jacob & Co. Ruby Royal wristwatch features an all ruby dial and bezel
and can be had for a mere $700,000.
-- WatchTime Buyer's Guide 2010
City Newsstand's HEADLINE WORLD
Your incredible source for
unbelievable headlines!
NEW ORLEANS 'TANE PUMPER
WRITES HIT SONG!
NEW PETTING ZOO DIRECTOR
REPLACES ALLIGATORS AND PORCUPINES
WITH GUINEA PIGS AND A DONKEY
GNU BREEDER USES SELECTIVE
BREEDING TO CREATE A NEW GNU!
NOODLE FACTORY EXPLOSION
COVERS NEIGHBORHOOD WITH SMOKING LINGUINE!
NEWSLETTER SUED BY
DIMINUTIVE ACTION STAR!
Click
HERE to read the February 2010 Entries
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HERE to read the May 2009 Entries
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HERE to read the April 2009 Entries
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HERE to read the March 2009 Entries
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