Unconfirmed reports of new issues of the defunct Weekly World News continue to proliferate. An unemployed farmer claims to have seen an issue on sale at a Piggly Wiggly in Pascagoula, MS and a truck driver says he saw an issue at a truckstop in New Madrid, MO.

Subsequent trips to both stores found different magazines where the WWN issues had been said to be.

More unconfirmed reports of new issues of the defunct Weekly World News have proliferated in recent weeks. A housewife claims she saw a Nov. 16 issue on sale at a Wawa in Egg Harbor, NJ and an Elvis impersonator swears he saw a Nov. 2 issue at a Terrible's in Henderson, Nevada.

Unconfirmed reports of new issues of the defunct Weekly World News have proliferated in recent weeks. A teenager claims he saw a Sept. 17 issue on sale at a Circle K in Zephyrhills, Florida and a retiree swears he saw a Sept. 3 issue at a Piggly-Wiggly in Piqua, Ohio.

10   ALIEN MUMMY GOES ON RAMPAGE! Trick-or-treaters terrorized by undead E.T. — WWN

9     WOMAN DELIVERS OWN BABY WHILE SKYDIVING! — WWN

8     Beer beats prostate cancer — SUN

7     MULTIPLE PERSONALITY MAN CHARGED TRIPLE ROOM RATE! — WWN

6     Dust bunnies breed like rabbits — WWN

5     Giant Mexican monster skull proves... OGOPOGO IS ALIVE! — SUN

4     OMAHA BIN LADEN Osama's brother rides the range as a cowboy — WWN

3     Taco vendor turns tiny visitors' abandoned spacecraft into an . . . ALIEN SOMBRERO! — WWN

2     DOCTORS SUCCESSFULLY REMOVE BANJO FROM ALABAMA MAN'S KNEE! — WWN

1     KIM JONG IL NUKES HIS OWN PALACE! — SUN

10   JUDGE WHO BARRED WITCHES FROM ADOPTING CHILDREN TURNED INTO GUINEA PIG! — WWN 

9     AMERICA'S LATEST ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS — VAMPIRES — SUN

8     SCIENTISTS END TERROR OF THE WALKING MUMMY! — SUN

7     Mystery of the floating coffin — SUN

6     Sherriff serves up a bowl of his own blood as bait to capture... VAMPIRE CAT! — WWN

5     VEGAN VAMPIRE ATTACKS TREES — WWN

4     VAMPIRES ATTACK U.S. TROOPS Army of undead taking over mountains of Afghanistan! — WWN

3     SATAN CAPTURED BY GIs IN IRAQ! — WWN

2     GRANNY SCARES OFF ROBBERS BY PULLING A BIGGER KNIFE! — SUN

1     FATAL FARTS! — WWN

10  CREDIT CARD EXPLODES WHEN GAL GOES OVER LIMIT! — WWN

9     ASTRONOMER DISCOVERS PLANET MADE ENTIRELY OF NOODLES — WWN

8     SPEND IT WHILE YOU CAN! U.S. currency accidentally printed with disappearing ink! — WWN

7     BARBER BLEEDS RED & WHITE STRIPED BLOOD! — WWN

6     UFO ALIENS ABDUCTED MY CAT! Now frisky Felix is home safe — and has a gift of ESP, says amazed owner — SUN

5     MICROSCOPIC SPACE ALIENS INFESTING CARPETS — WWN

4     Michael Jackson wants to live with leprechauns — SUN

3     RESEARCHER CALCULATES A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL TO BE .000000000134% — WWN

2     STUDIO BUYS MOVIE SCRIPT FROM A CHIMP! — WWN

1     JACK THE RIPPER WAS A WOMAN! — SUN

10   BILLIONAIRE WILLS HIS FORTUNE TO IMAGINARY FRIEND — WWN

9     Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, along come . . . NAVY ANTS! — WWN

8     BOY TURNS BELOVED AUNT INTO ROBOT! — WWN

7     Demons influencing presidential policy! — WWN

6     WAR IN HEAVEN According to the Archangel Michael, female angels led by the powerful Hillaria have revolted . . . — WWN

5     DA VINCI WAS A TIME TRAVELER! — SUN

4     EXPLORER LOCATES ORIGINAL 'COMFORT ZONE'! — WWN

3     'NOSE HOSE' WILL MAKE TISSUES OBSOLETE! — WWN 

2     BOOZE CAN MELT AWAY POUNDS — SUN

1     SENSIBLE PUTTY! — WWN

10   SCIENTIST PROVES... EARTH IS GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE! Global warming is Earth's hot flashes! — WWN

9     RESEARCHER DETERMINES DEER AND ANTELOPE NEVER PLAYED TOGETHER! — WWN

8     Catholic school sisters trade in their wooden rulers for the ultimate disciplinary tool . . . NUN CHUCKS! — WWN

7     MARRIAGE IS A CROCK! — SUN

6     ALIENS RAISE THE DEAD! CORPSE CORPS DRAFTED FROM BEYOND TO ATTACK HUMANS! — WWN

5     REDNECKS SHOOT DOWN SAUCER! PAYBACK! BOG HOLLOW STYLE — WWN

4     Researcher finds more than 100 businesses that are like show business! — WWN

3     TV SWELLS BRAINS! — WWN

2     SENIOR COUGHS UP EMBEDDED NAIL AFTER 35 YEARS — SUN

1     DEATH BY GOLDFISH — WWN

10   ALIEN ZOO ANIMALS LOOSE ON EARTH! Saucer crash sets bizarre creatures free! — WWN

9     BIGFOOT VS. ALIENS! HAIRY HERO DEFENDS HOME TURF AGAINST SPACE INVADERS! — WWN

7     Edgar Allan Poe foresaw 9/11 Govt. probes claim famous Raven is Osama Bin Laden! — SUN

6    Housewife knits sweaters with lint from her clothes dryer! — WWN

5     New religion proclaims: God is a flying spaghetti monster! — SUN

3     LEGLESS MOUNTAIN CLIMBER TO SCALE MT. EVEREST — SUN

2     TOBOGGAN TABBIES Cats drag lost geologist to safety — WWN

10   PROM KING AND QUEEN SEEK U.N. RECOGNITION OF THEIR OWN COUNTRY...PROMVANIA! — WWN

9     HUMANS TURNING BACK INTO APES! Sports fanatics & politicians most susceptible! — WWN

8     Hail to the wackos: HALF OF U.S. PRESIDENTS WERE MENTALLY ILL — SUN

7     IT'S TRUE — AUTOPSY PROVES IT! ADOLF HITLER WAS A WOMAN! — WWN

6     GOOD OLD BOY TRANSLATES BIBLE INTO REDNECK — so us'n can understan' what the Good Lord wanted us to lern! — WWN

5     BIOLOGIST BREEDS SNAIL WITH CHEETAH TO CREATE WORLD'S FASTEST SNAIL — THE 'SNEETAH'! — WWN

4     ALIENS TRAVEL TO EARTH FOR CHINESE TAKEOUT! — WWN

3     SLEEP EXPERT CAN DESCRIBE A PERSON PERFECTLY JUST BY HEARING THEM SNORE! — WWN

2     LAWYER SHEDS HIS SKIN — THREE TIMES A YEAR! — WWN

1     NUNFIGHT AT THE O.K. CHAPEL — WWN

10 500,000 FLAWED DICTIONARIES DESTROYED — because 'cleanliness' is next to 'godliness'! — WWN

9   FED-UP COUPLE SELLS HOME . . . WITH HER PARENTS IN IT — WWN

8   MAN BITES THE BULLET & HIS HEAD EXPLODES! — WWN

7   BENGALI MAN LIVES IN HOUSE MADE OF PEOPLE! — WWN

6   CONVENIENCE STORE FINED FOR BEING INCONVENIENT — WWN

5   POTTY LARCENY — SUN

4   WORLD'S FATTEST BIGFOOT SHOCKS SCIENTISTS — WWN

3   SIBERIA IS MELTING — SUN

2   TIME-TRAVEL DOG FROM FUTURE HELD CAPTIVE! -- WWN

1   HUNGRY, HUNGRY SPACE RATS! — WWN

10   Man with large fuzzy slippers creates enough electricity to heat his house — WWN

9     DRUNKS FALL OFF ROOF AFTER BARTENDER DECLARES DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE! — WWN

8     FIRED ARCHITECT BURNS HIS BRIDGES— WWN

7     URBAN PLANNING NIGHTMARE: Self-building strip malls invade U.S. — WWN

6     Priest called in to exorcise school 'spirit' — WWN

5     ZEBRA BORN WITH HORIZONTAL STRIPES — WWN

4     ELVIS WAX FIGURE CRIES REAL TEARS — WWN

3     MUTE DRIVER HONKS OUT A ROAD RAGE IN MORSE CODE — WWN

2     Germany invaded — by Nazi raccoons! — SUN

1     REVENGE OF THE KILLER CACTI — SUN

10   THE WAY TO A MAN'S HEART IS NOT THROUGH HIS STOMACH! SURGEON'S LICENSE REVOKED — WWN

9     Cat found with hoard of over 200 TONGUES! — WWN

8     MAN DIES TAKING BULL BY HORNS! — WWN

7     TOWN SAVES MONEY BY BURYING LOVED ONES IN QUICKSAND — WWN

6     COUCH POTATOES ARE SMARTER! — SUN

5     COUPLES' ROUTINE WAS TO DIE FOR Tango dancer doesn't let partner's death keep them from finishing competition! — WWN

4     PREHISTORIC SNOWMAN FOUND! — WWN

3     LASER-CONTROLLED INSECTS COULD BE NEW TERRORIST WEAPON — SUN 

2     BRAVE MARINE GIVES UP FINGER TO SAVE WEDDING RING! — SUN

1     DESPERATE HOUSEFLIES — WWN

10   GRAVY TRAIN DERAILS  — WWN

9     MAN POSES AS CPR DUMMY FOR WOMEN'S TRAINING CLASS — WWN

8     SURVEY REVEALS BEST THINGS IN LIFE COST AT LEAST $5,000 — WWN

7     MAN HITS SNOOZE 892 TIMES—and strolls into work 5½ days late! — WWN

6     Are you offended by naked animals? Then welcome to the . . . CIRCUS OF THE PRUDES — WWN

5     CONGRESS PREPARES TO REPEAL THE LAW OF GRAVITY — WWN

4     ATTACK OF THE FLYING PLANTS! — WWN

3     CAVE PAINTINGS REVEAL EXISTENCE OF PREHISTORIC INSURANCE SALESMAN! — WWN

2     MAN REINCARNATED AS HIMSELF! — WWN

1     GNOMES OF DEATH — SUN

10   PRISONER CHOKES TO DEATH ON LAST MEAL! — WWN

9     DROMEDARY OF THE DEEP Undersea camels discovered! — WWN

8     Astronomer spots Elvis-shaped constellation! — WWN

7     U.S. ARMY TO DRAFT SCHOOL CROSSING GUARDS TO MAKE ITS QUOTA! — WWN

6     BARBARA BUSH TO JOIN 'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' — WWN

5     BELCHING SWORD-SWALLOWER ACCIDENTALLY IMPALES AUDIENCE MEMBER — WWN

4     TORNADO HELPS FAMILY MOVE — WWN

3     SODA JERK LIVES UP TO NAME — WWN

2     EVIL LIFE-FORMS OOZE FROM VIDEO ARCADE AS . . . DEMONIC ELECTRO-PLASM SLIME TERRORIZES TOWN! — WWN

1     Toads explode in 'Pond of Death' — SUN

10   HOWLING BEAST TERRORIZES OHIO TOWN — SCIENTISTS MYSTIFIED BY BIZARRE CRIES — SUN

9     DWARF DRACULA· KNEE-HIGH ANKLE BITER TERRORIZING SEATTLE! — WWN

8     HOBOO! High cost of real estate forces ghost onto the streets! — WWN

7     EINSTEIN'S BRAIN COMES TO LIFE—AND GOES ON RAMPAGE! — WWN

6     CSI USES PUMPKIN FACE TO ID REMAINS OF MOB VICTIM BURIED IN FIELD! — WWN

5     DI, DI MY DARLING PRINCESS' GHOST HAS CHARLES AND CAMILLA SPOOKED! — WWN

4     DRUNK GHOST RUINS OWN FUNERAL — WWN

3     MAN'S PAJAMAS ARE HAUNTED! — WWN

2     EXORCISM CURES MONSTROUS ZIT! — WWN

1     MALEVOLENT MAN-WORM! — WWN

10   CUBS BOOST WORLD SERIES HOPES WITH . . . HOLY WATER! — SUN

9     RHODE ISLAND TO BAN BABY-TALK TO DOGS! — WWN

8     LOUD ROCK SHOW MAKES TEEN'S HEAD EXPLODE! — WWN

7     NIGHT WATCHMAN SUES OVER WORKING NIGHTS! — WWN

6     BOMB-SNIFFING ELEPHANTS STOMP OUT TROUBLE — WWN

5     Leprechaun ejected by casino — HE'S TOO LUCKY! — WWN

4     CHICKENS EAT FARMER — WWN

3     ORIGIN OF APATHY DISCOVERED, BUT NOBODY CARES! — WWN

2     Bush thrilled to be reading at 6th grade level AND IT'S ABOUT TIME! — WWN

1     MAN-HORSES THREATEN THE WORLD! — WWN

10   GENEROUS KIDS SHIP THEIR UNEATEN PEAS TO STARVING CHILDREN IN APPALACHIA — WWN

9     SCIENTIST CLONES HUSBAND — then marries the younger version! — WWN

8     POLICE ARTISTS ON STRIKE All suspects look like stick figures — WWN

7     RACE OF SCARECROWS LIVING IN KANSAS! — WWN

6     MISSISSIPPI TOWN REPEALS SCIENCE! — WWN

5     POTATOES DEVELOP INTELLIGENCE — WWN

4     ALIENS MOON NASA SPACECRAFT! — WWN

3     MAN TAKES OUT RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST IMAGINARY FRIEND! — WWN

2     SLEEPWALKING BURGLAR ORDERED TO STAY AWAKE 10 YEARS — WWN

1     ALCOHOLIDAY! — SUN

9     I WAS ATTACKED BY MONGOLIAN DEATHWORM! — SUN

7     JACK THE RIPPER WAS MY GRANDMOTHER! — WWN

6     MEEK SUE TO INHERIT THE EARTH! — WWN

4     Bricklayers entomb annoying co-worker — WWN

3     MAN CAN SEE ONE SECOND INTO FUTURE — WWN

1     DEADLY WOODPECKERS TURN STREETS RED WITH BLOOD! — WWN

10   I WAS ATTACKED BY A 12-FOOT PYTHON — WHILE DRIVING 70 M.P.H. — SUN

9     THIRD GENDER DISCOVERED IN OZARKS! — WWN

8     MAN ELECTROCUTED BY LIGHTNING BUG — WWN

7     STUDY FINDS MOST STUDIES ARE STUPID — WWN

6     SCIENTIST INVENTS 'REVERSE LIGHTBULB' THAT MAKES ROOM DARKER — WWN

5     GOP UNVEILS LIBERAL-SNIFFING DOGS — WWN

4     BUSH WANTS TO SELL HAWAII! — WWN

3     CIRCUS ELEPHANT GIVES BIRTH TO HUMAN BABY! — WWN

2     RACE OF SNOWMEN FOUND — WWN

1     SEEING EYE SQUIRRELS FOR DOGS! — WWN

10   MAN INVENTS ROTARY CELL PHONE — WWN

9     SATAN HIRES PUBLICIST TO IMPROVE HIS IMAGE! — WWN

8     BUSH HIRES DUMB BLONDES . . . so he'll look smart — WWN

7     CHENEY ARRESTS MAN FOR MAKING HIM LAUGH — WWN

6     MAN ARRESTED FOR WEARING ZIPPER IN 'NO FLY' ZONE! — WWN

5     FRANCE'S NEW FOOD FAD: ESCARGOT SMOOTHIES — WWN

4     Maggots are good medicine — SUN

3     6-LEGGED HORSE BANNED FROM RACING! — WWN

2     COWARDLY MATADOR ONLY FIGHTS RABBITS — WWN

1     I'M GOING TO CLONE THE WORLD'S UGLIEST DOG! — SUN

10   It's like Oscar night for terrorists . . . WHO WILL WIN THE OSAMA? — WWN

9     GNOMES OF DEATH LURE DIVERS TO DROWNING HORROR — SUN

8     Something's killing off our sea monsters — and scientists are baffled — SUN

7     VAMPIRE POODLES GO ON BLOODY RAMPAGE! — WWN

6     PRUNE JUICE MAKES YOU STUPID — WWN

5     GUY DIALS PHONE # ON TOILET WALL — & FINDS HIS MISSING MOM! — WWN

4     JILTED BRIDE ASKS FOR VOLUNTEER FROM AUDIENCE — WWN

3     GOD'S AUTOGRAPH SELLS FOR $500 MILLION — WWN

2     PHANTOM OF THE IVORIES Liberace's ghost haunts Vegas nightspot — SUN

1     CURSE OF THE ICE MAN! — SUN

10   Tough guy walks 2 miles with a bullet in his brain — SUN

9     NEBRASKA DOESN'T EXIST, SAYS AUTHOR — WWN

8     FRENCHMAN JAILED FOR TAKING BATH — WWN

7     SPANISH ARMADA WAS SUNK BY UFOs —WWN

6     MEET THE MOTHER OF ALL JUNK FOODS — FRIED CHOCOLATE! — WWN

5     PIZZA WAS SERVED AT THE LAST SUPPER . . . and the pies were delivered — WWN

4     ALIEN COOKBOOK FOUND . . . AND WE'RE THE MAIN INGREDIENT IN EVERY RECIPE! — WWN

3     MAN-MADE TORNADOES ESCAPE FROM CIA LAB — WWN

2     POPE GIVES OSAMA THE FINGER! — WWN

1     Attack of the giant baby-biting RATS! — SUN

10   FIREFIGHTER FIRED FOR FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE! — WWN

9     SCIENTIST FINDS WOMEN'S ASKING-FOR-DIRECTIONS GENE — WWN

8     ANGRY BILL COLLECTORS say Bush won't return their calls on the national debt — WWN

7     RUMSFELD CLAIMS ABU GHRAIB PRISONERS WERE PLAYING 'TWISTER' — WWN

6     BIN LADEN WANTS TO JOIN ZZ TOP! — WWN

5     SPACE ALIENS GIVE EARTH ULTIMATUM: FEED US YOUR GEEZERS OR ELSE! — WWN

4     BLOOD SUCKING DRACULA SQUIRRELS INVADE U.S. — WWN

3     JESUS WAS A JAPANESE GARLIC FARMER! — SUN

2     OBNOXIOUS KIDS DRIVE GHOSTS FROM HAUNTED HOUSE — WWN

1     AX MURDER GHOST! — SUN

10   NEW STUDY SAYS 'STITCH IN TIME' SAVES ONLY 8 — WWN

9     GRIM REAPER TO RETIRE — PEOPLE WILL LIVE FOREVER! — WWN

8     World's oldest woman thrives on lard and booze — SUN

7     JAY LENO'S CHIN IS FAKE! — WWN

6     MICHAEL JACKSON CAN HEAR THROUGH HIS NOSE! — WWN

5     Earwax DNA doesn't lie — OSAMA BIN LADEN IS A WOMAN! — WWN

4     MOON RAYS TURNED APOLLO ASTRONAUTS INTO WEREWOLVES — WWN

3     Giant killer crabs are on the march . . . and they're heading for America — SUN

2     GIANT PIGEON TERRORIZES NEW YORK — WWN

1     ISLAND TRIBE WORSHIPS GILLIGAN LIKE A GOD! — WWN

10   BLUES SINGER SUES SHRINK FOR MAKING HIM FEEL BETTER — WWN

9     MICK JAGGER IS AN ANDROID — WWN

8     JUNGLE TRIBE WORSHIPS JAY LENOS'S CHIN! — WWN

7     TOUGH ALGEBRA PROBLEM CAUSES STUDENT'S HEAD TO EXPLODE — WWN

6    Hairy space alien lives on Donald Trump's head! — WWN

5     AREA 51 IS REALLY STRIP CLUB FOR BIGWIGS — WWN

4     Russian space dog buried bones on Mars! — WWN

3     MR. ROGERS' GHOST TERRORIZING CHILDREN! — WWN

2     Wacko Jacko wants to buy a ghost — SUN

1     Belief in elves reaches all-time high! — WWN

10   GEORGE W. BUSH WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS — that's the REAL reason for the gap in his National Guard records! — WWN

9     Stupid kidnappers accept check for ransom! — WWN

8     Beer cans & old mattress found on Mars — WWN

7     RICH IDIOT GIVES HER SHAR-PEI BOTOX INJECTIONS — WWN

6     POPE HAS SUPER POWERS! — WWN

5     Nutty dictator vows to build ice palace in desert — SUN

4     SURGEON REMOVES SONG FROM MAN'S BRAIN — WWN

3     Elvis brings peace to the Middle East — SUN

2     HENPECKED HUBBY REMOVES WIFE'S VOICE BOX! — WWN

1     VIKINGS WERE WIMPS! — SUN

10   MASSIVE LOCH NESS MONSTER FART SWAMPS TOURIST BOAT . . . after 8-year-old yanks on its flipper! — WWN

9     THE MOON IS HATCHING . . . and whatever's coming out has big teeth, NASA says! — WWN

8     BOO APPETIT! Spirit of Julia Child haunting hamburger joints across America — and she's scaring the pants off customers — WWN

6     BUSH USING VOODOO TO K.O. KERRY — WWN

5     EERIE STATUES UNLEASH CURSE OF THE DEAD — SUN

4     MICK JAGGER IS A VAMPIRE — SUN

3     How to tell if you're about to burst into flames — WWN

1     GANGSTER GHOULS — SUN

10   Witness swears he saw one strand of Donald Trump's hair actually move — WWN

9     Art collector buys forged paintings with counterfeit money — WWN

8     SURFING CHIMP SAVES DROWNING CHILD! — WWN

7     STARVING CAMPER MAULS GRIZZLY — WWN

6     DISCOVERED: SABERTOOTH GERBIL — WWN

5     SCIENTISTS CLONE JERRY SPRINGER — WWN

4     LARRY KING'S HEAD IS GETTING BIGGER! — WWN

3     A shot of penicillin could've STOPPED communism in its tracks! — SUN

2     DEAD PRESIDENTS PLAY POKER IN MY BASEMENT — and they all think Nixon cheats — WWN

10   ANCIENT TORTOISE OUTLASTS 33 U.S. PRESIDENTS! — SUN

9     SATURN IS A GIANT UFO! — WWN

8     Hole in ozone layer is sucking world's penguins into space, say scientists! — WWN

7     Government training alien-sniffing dogs — WWN 

6     DICK CHENEY IS A ROBOT! — WWN

5     Couple sells everything to clone their dying cat — SUN

4     LOCH NESS MONSTER IS A GIANT DUCK — WWN

3     'MY AFGHAN HOUND TALKS!' 'But I don't understand a word he's saying,' declares owner — WWN

2     My ex-wife's face keeps appearing on my toast — WWN

1     WILD PIGS ARE TAKING OVER AMERICA — SUN

 10  TROOPS FIND SADDAM'S WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION — A GIANT 160-FOOT-TALL SLINGSHOT! — WWN 

9     New Iraqi abuse charges ... PRISONERS FORCED TO WATCH JERRY LEWIS MOVIES — WWN 

8     VIRGIN MARY PHOTOGRAPHED BY MALL SECURITY CAMERA! — WWN 

7     CUSTOMER LOSES FINGERS IN JAPANESE STEAK HOUSE — WWN

6     KIM JONG IL EATS LASSIE! — WWN

5     VENUS FLYTRAP ATE MY CAT! — WWN

4     BIGFOOT BABY FOUND . . . abandoned outside Neverland ranch! — WWN

3     MORE DENTISTS WORKING NAKED! — WWN

2     GEORGE WASHINGTON WAS A WOMAN! — WWN

1     FIRE ANT HORROR — SUN

10   STUNNING REAL REASON FOR IRAQ WAR REVEALED: U.S. BELIEVES SADDAM IS THE ANTICHRIST! — WWN

9     ENGLISH ARE WORLD'S MOST UNATTRACTIVE PEOPLE, SAYS FRENCH STUDY — WWN

6     Comet caused great Chicago fire — SUN

5     NEW BEACH PERIL: SQUIRREL FISH — WWN

4     MY TOILET ROLL HOLDER IS POSSESSED! — WWN

1     WARNING: SMOKING CAN TURN YOU GAY! — WWN

10   MAN FALLS OFF ROOF - MOUNTING LUCKY HORSESHOES — WWN

9     GRANNY'S FALSE TEETH PICKING WINNING STOCKS ... 3 months after she died! — WWN

8     MARILYN MONROE WAS A VAMPIRE — AND HOOVER HAD HER KILLED TO PREVENT HER FROM BITING JFK! — WWN

7     ZOMBIE ARMY HELPED REBEL LEADERS CONQUER HAITI — WWN

6     SADDAM TORMENTED BY GHOST OF LAWRENCE OF ARABIA — WWN

5     CURSE OF THE GLASS-EYED MUMMY — SUN

4     Elvis painting cries real tears! — WWN

3     POPE WANTS MEL GIBSON AS SUCCESOR! — WWN

2     WOMAN, 79, DIES IN MEATLOAF EXPLOSION! — WWN

1     HAGGIS HORROR! — WWN

10   FOXY FEMALE LEPRECHAUN TO POSE FOR PLAYBOY! — SUN

9     U.N. TO SEND SNAKES TO IRELAND! —WWN

8     KIM JONG'S WARNING TO ALL NORTH KOREANS: HOKEY POKEY — OR DIE! — WWN

7     HELL HAS A PAIN-FREE ZONE FOR MASOCHISTS! — WWN

6     TOASTER FROM HELL! — WWN

5     MAGIC WALLET NEVER RUNS OUT OF MONEY — WWN

4     TWO IN FIVE GYNECOLOGISTS ARE FAKE — WWN

3     ALIENS DRAG RACING IN ROVER VEHICLES! — WWN

2     ATTACKS BY GIANT SQUIDS SKYROCKET — SUN

1     DINGOS OF THE DOOMED — WWN

10   SADDAM'S SPIDER HOLE TURNED INTO RESTAURANT! — WWN

9     DRUNK PILOTS START THEIR OWN AIRLINE! — WWN

8     ALIENS ALLOW AIR MARSHALS ON BOARD UFOS — WWN

7     UFOs target Dan Quayle — SUN

6     HAITI SELLING OF ZOMBIES BUY ONE GET ONE FREE! — WWN

5     Welcome to Gary, Indiana . . . VAMPIRE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD! — WWN

4     MELTING SWIMSUITS LAND INVENTOR IN HOT WATER — WWN

3     Hunter shot by dog — WWN

2     GIANT GERBILS ON RAMPAGE IN CHINA! — WWN

1     KILLER HAMSTERS FROM HELL! — WWN

10   WOMEN MORE ATTRACTIVE WHEN THEY KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT! — WWN

9     BRITNEY SPEARS IS A MUSICAL GENIUS — WWN

8     500-LB. OPERA SINGER GORES TENOR WITH HORNED HELMET — WWN

7     TREE-CLIMBING CROCS FOUND IN SOUTH AMERICA — WWN

6     HUMAN OWL IS DRIVING HIS NEIGHBORS CRAZY! — WWN

5     DESCENDANT OF GEORGE WASHINGTON CLAIMS HE OWNS U.S. — WWN

4     BUSH READIES FOR WAR WITH CHINA . . . BY BUYING WORLD'S ENTIRE SUPPLY OF CHOPSTICKS! — WWN

3     President Bush proposes to make J.Lo's Butt Day a National Holiday! — WWN

2     7 CONGRESSMAN ARE ZOMBIES! — WWN

1     GNOMES OF DEATH! — SUN

9     THE FRENCH FINALLY DISCOVER DEODORANT! — WWN

8     RELIEVE ARTHRITIS PAIN WITH FRESH MANURE! — WWN

7     Peeping Tom sentenced to stare at ugly naked people — WWN

6     Fish chat by farting! — WWN

5     Gov't probes floating head — SUN

4     ANGRY SKELETONS ATTACK FAMILY! —SUN

3     EVIL MOLE PEOPLE FOUND IN WYOMING — WWN

2     JAPAN BREEDING ARMY OF GODZILLAS! — WWN

1     NEW: TEACUP KANGAROOS! — WWN

10   200 ELVES LAID OFF! . . . as Santa moves operation to Honduras sweatshop — WWN

9     NEW SUPERNATURAL MENACE . . . WEREPOODLES — WWN

8     ALIENS PASSING GAS CAUSED HOLE IN OZONE LAYER — WWN

7     NASA SHOCKER! GARDEN GNOMES FOUND ON MOON & MARS! — WWN

6     BELGIUM DESTROYED BY ROGUE ASTEROID & NO ONE NOTICES! — WWN

5     50 years of deafness ended — after doc pulls bus ticket out of patient's ear! — WWN

4     PEOPLE BLINDED BY ECLIPSE CAN SEE THE FUTURE! — WWN

3     Most blondes are not sluts — WWN

2     SENATORS LOVE DIRTY BOOKS — WWN

1     FEBRUARY TO BE CANCELED! — WWN

9     MEET SANDRA THE WORLD'S FIRST HUMAN KANGAROO! — WWN

8     9-ft guinea pig attacks joggers — SUN

7     JUST SAY NO TO AARDVARK MEAT — WWN

6     WOODPECKERS ATTACKING STUPID FOLKS — WWN

5     CHIMP ARRESTED FOR RECKLESS DRIVING — WWN

4     SPECIAL FORCES TARGET SADDAM'S FAVORITE CAMEL — WWN

3     Fat-eating worms suck the blubber right out of you! — WWN

2     FOUND: HAIR FROM GOD'S BEARD! — WWN

1     ALIEN SITCOMS ARE WORSE THAN OURS! — WWN

9     CANNIBALS MARKET HORRIFIC NEW DOG FOOD: PEOPLE CHOW! — WWN

7     Statue of Al Gore cries real tears! — WWN

6     I FOUND JESUS UNDER MY WALLPAPER — SUN

2     SPANISH GALLEON IS ORBITING MERCURY — WWN

1     ALIEN BUSTED FOR DUI! — WWN

10   GIANT SPACE SPIDERS WILL SAVE THE EARTH! Webs can deflect killer asteroids, says NASA — WWN

8     My husband thinks he's a Klingon! — WWN

4     TERRORISTS RECRUITING ZOMBIE ARMY TO INVADE U.S. — WWN

2     Mandatory IQ test has politicians shaking in their boots — WWN

10   MEAT-EATING LIONS DEVOUR VEGETARIAN MISSIONARIES — WWN

9     Irish built the Great Wall of China — WWN

2     NEW WEAPON AGAINST TERROR — BIG BIRD! — SUN

1     POSSESSED — BY HIS OWN TATTOO! — WWN

8     BAT SPIT PREVENTS STROKES — SUN

7     BLOWING YOUR NOSE MAKES YOU STUPID — WWN

6     HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOSS IS A DEMON FROM HELL! — WWN

5     ‘PAINTING OF SADDAM CURED MY HICCUPS’ — WWN

4     SADDAM’S MUSTACHE FOUND! — WWN

2     Japanese find new power in panda poop! — WWN

1     TERROR OF THE RIDDLER DWARF! — WWN

10   BOY, 7 PREGNANT WITH HIS OWN SIAMESE TWIN — SUN

9     PARANOID DICTATOR KIM JONG IL ORDERS GOON SQUAD TO SEIZE ALL NEWBORN TRIPLETS! — WWN

8     Bin Laden is a bed wetter! — WWN

7     Watching X-rated movies while driving banned! — WWN

6     DOG ACCUSED OF WITCHCRAFT — WWN

5     SCIENTIST ATTACKED BY KILLER SQUIRRELS — WWN

4     ELEPHANTS FORCE GALS TO GIVE BIRTH IN TREES — WWN

3     Beer-crazed elephants face execution! — WWN

2     Oldster beaten with his own leg during robbery! — WWN

1     ROCKS CAN MAKE YOU PSYCHIC — WWN

8     POPE’S SECRET FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH — PAPAYA! — SUN

7     MIRACLE CARP SAYS THE END IS NEAR! — WWN

6     SPACE ALIENS ARE SENDING THEIR KIDS TO EARTH’S UNIVERSITIES . . . & they’re making our top students look like idiots! — WWN

5     PSYCHIATRIST TREATS UNHAPPY GHOSTS — WWN

4     There’s a new drug craze sweeping the nation . . . SNIFFING MONEY! — WWN

3     Dog gives birth to kittens! — WWN

2     WOMAN BUSTED FOR DRIVING 27 DOGS IN ONE CAR! — WWN

1     SEAGULLS ATTACK ROBOT FALCONS! — WWN

10   HOW TO GET A RAISE — even if you’re a lazy jerk! — WWN

9     Is Eminem the Antichrist? — WWN

8     Mom gives birth to baby ghost! — WWN

7     WOMAN FINDS DEAD LEPRECHAUN IN A JAR! — WWN

6     MONKEYS ATE MY CAR! — SUN

5     HUMAN MOTHER BREAST-FED PUPPIES — WWN

4     Eagle eats hunting dog! — WWN

3     GIANT EARTHWORMS TERRORIZING NEVADA! — WWN

2     ‘Screaming houseplant saved my life!’ — WWN

1     CALIFORNIANS BANNED FROM HEAVEN! — WWN

9     ARE EXTRATERRESTRIAL ‘JACK THE RIPPERS’ COMMITTING WORLD’S UNSOLVED MURDERS? — WWN

8     Fed-up folks spray paint graffiti artist . . . from head to toe! — WWN

7     SCOTS BUILT THE PYRAMIDS! — SUN

6     Magazine from lost continent of Atlantis found! — WWN

5     Man dials wrong number — and talks to Osama Bin Laden! — WWN

4     BEAGLE THINKS IT’S A GOAT! — WWN

3     PONY THINKS HE’S A DOG! — SUN

2     AARDVARKS ARE OUR ANCESTORS — SUN

1     PYGMY DEMONS INFESTING HOMES! — WWN

10   GAL GETS HER GUY TO POP THE QUESTION — by butchering her best friend!  — WWN

9     SOUL FOOD TASTY RECIPES OF THE PROPHETS  — SUN

8     DUCK HUNTERS SHOOT ANGEL! — WWN

7     IRAN BOOTED OUT OF ‘AXIS OF EVIL’—for not being evil enough! — WWN

6     U.S. PAYING SPACE ALIENS TO FIND & DESTROY OSAMA — WWN

5     Farmers grow monster crops with space alien poop! — WWN

4     MAN INVENTS NEW BICYCLE — for horses! — WWN

2     HUMAN RACE DE-VOLVING BACK INTO MONKEYS! — WWN

1     HILLBILLY ZOMBIES CAUSE MOUNTAIN MAYHEM!  — WWN

10   Crows peck holes in sleeping man’s head . . . & EAT HIS BRAIN! — WWN

9     “FANG YOU, FANG YOU VERY MUCH” Vampire Elvis is on the prowl, say cops — SUN

8     COP’S GHOST HAUNTS DONUT SHOP! — WWN

7     Our home is haunted by a flatulent ghost! — WWN

6     Is E.T. trying to hack into your computer? — WWN

5     NAZI ROCKET CRASH-LANDS IN LONDON 58 YEARS AFTER IT WAS LAUNCHED! — WWN

4     Bloodthirsty squirrel holds entire town hostage — WWN

3     BUS DRIVER ESCAPES FLYING FISH ATTACK! — SUN

2     GIANT JELLYFISH SET TO INVADE U.S. — SUN

1     HOTCAKES NO LONGER SELLING WELL — WWN

10   Space aliens injected their DNA into possums — WWN

9     Crying baby attracts millions of frogs to Australia suburb — WWN

8     Hunter shot — by his dog! — WWN

7     DOG BLOWS UP OWNER! — WWN

6     SCIENTISTS FIND ‘EJECT BUTTON’ FOR YOUR SOUL! — WWN

5     Man sues for custody of wife’s breast implants in bitter divorce — WWN

4     Staring at melons increases your breast size, reveals 5-year study — WWN

3     PSYCHIC USES POWERS TO LIFT GALS’ SKIRTS — WWN

2     Owl caught ripping off bras and panties — WWN

1     BIG BIRD TERROR! — SUN

10   TOILET TERROR AT 20,000 FEET — WWN

9     U.S. Marines tattoo American flag on Afghan prisoner’s butt! — WWN

8     FATHER STRANGLES SON While teaching him to put on a tie! — WWN

7     GIANT SQUID TAKING OVER THE EARTH! — SUN

6     FLESH EATING WORMS TURN YOUR FEET INTO SWISS CHEESE! — WWN

5     THE POPE IS BUYING BACK SOULS FROM SATAN! — WWN

4     BAN INVISIBLE BIKINIS . . . DEMANDS FAMILY VALUES ACTIVIST! — WWN

3     AFRICAN TRIBE WORSHIPS BARBRA STREISAND’S NOSE! — WWN

2     BOOGERS TURN ME ON! — WWN

1     Revenge of the Tweezer people! — SUN

10   Sea Cow ORGY on a public beach! — WWN

9     Watch out for falling cows! — WWN

8     COW PEE REMOVES WRINKLES! — WWN

7     E.T.s PHONING HOME IS COSTING TAXPAYERS MILLIONS! — WWN

6     ‘Alien probe cured my hemorrhoids!’ — WWN

5     ANCIENT PARKING LOT FOUND ON MARS! — WWN

4     2-HEADED MAN RUNS FOR MAYOR . . . Against HIMSELF! — WWN

3     BUSH HAS A ROBOT DOUBLE! — WWN

2     Welcome to the most dangerous sport in the world . . . CHEESE ROLLING! — SUN

1     PETTING YOUR DOG CAN KILL YOU! — WWN

9     Drowning man rescued by sharks! — WWN

7     LOOK WHAT WAS LIVING IN A WOMAN’S EAR! — SUN

5     BIGFOOT’S FLEAS ARE HUGE! — WWN

3     U.S. CAPTURES OSAMA’S CAT! — WWN

1     Man picks nose — and finds a PEARL! — WWN

10   JIMMY HOFFA FOUND — IN ELVIS’ GRAVE — WWN

9     HOW TO MAKE A TAPIR HAPPIER! — SUN

8     TEACHER’S CRUEL PLAN TO FEED PUPPIES TO SNAKES — WWN

7     Roofers find bucket full of teeth! — WWN

6     Adoption agency selling shaved apes as babies! — WWN

5     WACKY TALKING BIBLE WON’T SHUT UP — WWN

4     EXORCISTS BATTLE DEMON TOUPEE — WWN

3     Girl with 14 fingers wins typing contest — WWN

2     GAL DUMPS HUBBY FOR CPR DUMMY — WWN

1     ROBOT PRIESTS — WWN

10   Learn to love country music — no matter how uppity you are! — WWN

9     Doc drops Rolex into gal during surgery … & she won’t give it back! — WWN

8     Man EATS books — and remembers every word! — WWN

7     ZOMBIES MAKE GREAT DINNER GUESTS — WWN

6     FLESH-EATING SHEEP ON RAMPAGE OF DEATH — WWN

5     PHONE PSYCHIC’S HEAD EXPLODES — WWN

4     FIRE-BREATHING CAT FOILS BURGLAR — WWN

3     Cops hunt thief dressed as dog — WWN

2     DRUNK SWALLOWS BOWLING BALL! — WWN

1     PUKEASAURUS! — SUN

10   GIANT ROACHES INVADE CLEVELAND! — WWN

9     CURSE OF THE SCREAMING SKULL — SUN

8     More ghosts seen on Valentine’s Day than on Halloween — WWN

6     Werewolves protest plan to blow up moon! — WWN

5      ‘DEVIL TOASTER RUINED MY LIFE’ — WWN

4      Moths attack Pope’s hat! — WWN

2     Stupid Saddam bleaches his black stallions — WWN

10   ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS A WOMAN! — WWN

9     ALL YOUR PRAYERS ANSWERED — no matter how stupid & selfish they are! — WWN

8     How to raise well-behaved children . . . without EVER having to beat them! — WWN

7     HUBBY STILL HEARS DEAD WIFE THROUGH HER PET PARROT! — SUN

6     Stinky demons terrorize Poland — WWN

5     Taking your dog’s temperature CAN be fun — WWN

4     Fountain of Youth found in N.Y.C. subway toilet! — WWN

3     How cook’s panties wound up in the soup! — WWN

10   VENTRILOQUIST IS IN COMA — BUT HIS DUMMY’S STILL TALKING! — WWN

9     Dead hubby’s ghost breaks wind & burps to keep other men away from his wife! — WWN

8     Hush, kneel and pray, You’re in the CATHEDRAL OF 100,000 SKULLS — SUN

7     HAUNTED TOILET PAPER LEAPS OFF THE ROLL!  — WWN

6     YOUR CAR IS TWICE AS LIKELY TO BURST INTO FLAMES AS YOU — WWN

5     DRUNK SWALLOWS BOWLING BALL — WWN

4     AMAZING CRAB PLAYS CHESS! — WWN

3     BEN FRANKLIN INVENTED THE MOONWALK  — WWN

2     FACE ON MARS HAS ACNE! — WWN

1     BUFFALO MAN terrorizes Florida! — WWN

10   Noah had dinosaurs on the Ark! — SUN

9     Thousands worship rock that fell off a truck — WWN

8     MAN’S HEAD EXPLODES DURING HAIRCUT! — WWN

7     22-POUND HOUSEFLY CAPTURED — WWN

6     PIG-NOSED MAN ROASTED ALIVE IN FIRE-WALK TRAGEDY! — WWN

5     TEEN’S HAIR CHANGES COLOR . . . With her mood! — WWN

4     How to tell if your dog’s an alcoholic! — WWN

3     Man burns down city hall to beat a speeding ticket! — WWN

2     Robber escapes — into a convention of cops! — WWN

1     SPACE ALIEN FLASHER ROCKS L.A. — WWN

10   MICKEY MOUSE GAVE US SCABIES — WWN

9     Was medieval ‘demon’ a giant squirrel? — WWN

8     Good news: Hand grenades can kill demons! — WWN

7     Turkish soldiers are world’s best at fighting vampires! — WWN

6     SPACE ALIENS HATE SPIDERS! — WWN

5     SATAN’S CELL PHONE RUINED MY LIFE! — SUN

4     ALIEN BLOB ATE MY TRUCK! — WWN

3     ‘Egg McMurder’ stuns quiet California town! — WWN

2     Pain-crazed trucker yanks dentist’s teeth out . . . After dumb doc’s drill hits his nerve! — WWN

1     DRACULA DIET! — SUN

10   EINSTEIN WAS A CHICK MAGNET — WWN

9     GAL COUGHS UP 4½-POUND HAIRBALL — DURING JOB INTERVIEW! — WWN

8     MAN GETS SEX CHANGE BY MISTAKE! — WWN

7     AUSTRALIAN BIGFOOT DIGS NEIL DIAMOND! — WWN

6     Donkey man banned from drive-in movies! — WWN

5     STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN FOUND! — WWN

4     Swimming pig saves boy from watery grave! — WWN

3     Dead grandfather’s image appears on ultrasound of fetus! — WWN

2     MIRACLE BABY CRAWLS ON WATER! — WWN

1     BRAIN-WORM HORROR! — SUN

10   THE WORLD IS RUNNING OUT OF VAMPIRES & GHOULS Monster rights groups blame President Bush! — WWN

9     GARDEN OF EDEN FOUND IN WISCONSIN — WWN

8     Man sets lard-eating record! — WWN

7     Europeans are eating more horsemeat than ever! — WWN

6     Charles Bronson’s brain is for sale! — WWN

5     Iraqi madman’s pantyhose secret! — WWN

4     Talking dolphin predicts the future of all mankind! — WWN

3     BIGMOUTH SWAMI SWALLOWS HIMSELF! — WWN

2     THE SOMBRERO OF DOOM! — WWN

1     SMUTBUSTERS! —SUN



MARCH 2001

10   ONE ANGRY WOMAN, A SHARP KNIFE & 13 men whose lives will never be the same! — WWN

9     Researchers discover language that only women understand! — WWN

8     Ice skater chokes on flying sequin! — WWN

7     Flea-market Bible sets devil worshiper on fire! — WWN

6     EVERY MAN SHE SMOOCHES DIES WITHIN DAYS! — WWN

5     New hope for the dead! — WWN

4     8 CASTAWAYS USE SUMO CHAMP AS HUMAN RAFT! — WWN

3     Amnesia man who forgot he was gay wants a divorce! — WWN

2     Good news for the Crab Boy! — WWN

1     Most ghosts are nuns! — WWN

9     OUTRAGEOUS NEW SPORT . . . PENGUIN BOWLING! — WWN

8     Devil Dog Fluffy killed 8 owners in 3 years, say cops! — WWN

7     DEMONS COST AL GORE THE ELECTION! — WWN

6     Alien brains are the size of Ping-Pong balls, say Russians! — WWN

5     Man finds eyeball stuck to the roof of his car! — WWN

4     FBI forks out $1.3 million for black sunglasses! — WWN

3     Elvis ‘clones’ taking over the world — SUN

2     550,000 Elvises can’t be wrong! — WWN

1     TAFFY PARTY TERROR! — WWN

9     Animal-rights activists win bid to outlaw snake throwing contest! — WWN

8     SINGING BASS PICKS LOTTERY WINNERS — WWN

7     Man divorces psychic wife — because he can’t get away with anything! — WWN

6     OPRAH MAKES FIRST CONTACT WITH SPACE ALIENS! — WWN

5     Exploding cigarette leaves 20 homeless! — WWN

4     People of the future won’t have necks! — WWN

3     Man jailed for sniffing woman! — WWN

2     COPS BUST HAMSTER! — WWN

1     HIGH HEEL HORROR! — SUN

10   ‘Help! I’ve got a bomb in my nose!’ — WWN

9     Man killed by exploding Chinese food! — WWN

8     Hapless bride bursts into flames on her wedding day — WWN

7     Monkey girl lives after mob chases her — then chops off her 2-foot tail! — WWN

6     Carve your Christmas turkey the O.J. way! — WWN

5     QUEEN GOES NUTS OVER BILLY BASS — SUN

4     President Bill Clinton begs Charles Manson: BRING PEACE TO THE MIDDLE EAST — WWN

3     TWITCHY TOURIST IN TERROR TOWER TURMOIL — SUN

2     Lightning strikes punk’s nose ring — AND BLOWS HIS FACE OFF! — WWN

1     TONGUE PIERCE TERROR — SUN

NOVEMBER 2000

9     Dirty diaper bursts into flames and burns down apartment house! — WWN

8     KILLED BY 118 BODY PIERCINGS — SUN

7     KILLER LAND EELS ARE HERE! — WWN

6     ACCOUNTANT HAS USED THE SAME PENCIL EVERY DAY FOR 31 YEARS — WWN

5     NEW RACE OF SUPERHUMANS FOUND IN MOUNTAINS OF NORTH CAROLINA! — WWN

4     WORKING WITH IDIOTS WILL KILL YOU! — WWN

3     WEREWOLVES ON BRINK OF EXTINCTION! Monster-rights group vows to preserve species! — WWN

2     GIANT COD SWALLOWS FISHERMAN’S HEAD! — SUN

1     DOLPHINS IN SPACE! — SUN

9     FIDEL CASTRO IS A STOCK MARKET WHIZ! — WWN

8     AMAZING HEALING POWERS OF WEREWOLF FUR! — WWN

7     ASTONISHING CIVIL WAR PHOTO SHOWS GIANT FLYING REPTILE! — WWN

6     CALIFORNIA TEENS SMOKING CIGARETTES MADE FROM HUMAN FLESH! — WWN

5     YOU’RE NOT GETTING HEAVIER, GRAVITY IS GETTING STRONGER! — WWN

4     Demons suffer from mental illness! — WWN

3     Executioner hangs himself while testing noose! — WWN

2     4,027 men and women have their names legally changed to Elvis Presley — WWN

1     PLUTO AND URANUS ARE MISSING! — WWN

9     BOOK MADE OF HUMAN SKIN IS GROWING REAL HAIR! — WWN

8     Homeowner discovers naked burglar! — WWN

7     SHOPLIFTER STEALS BABY SNAKES! — WWN

6     Laughing gas cure for smoking! — WWN

5     Fisherman bitten by snake lurking inside 5-lb. bass! — WWN

4     MAN-EATING TOADS JUMP HELPLESS RANCHER — SUN

3     MAN ORDERED TO EAT HAY BECAUSE HE FED HIS HORSE JUNK FOOD — WWN

2     FOIL ALIENS BY SLEEPING ON YOUR TUMMY! — WWN

1     ALIENS ARE IDIOTS! — SUN

10   ROBOT CRAB CRUSHES WOMAN! — WWN

9     Scientists grow human arms & legs — on trees! — WWN

8     USING A HULA-HOOP CAN GET YOU ABDUCTED BY ALIENS! — WWN

7     SCARECROWS FOOL ALIENS, TOO! — WWN

6     GUARDIAN ANGEL KICKED MY BUTT — SUN

5     ELECTRICIAN, 54, KILLED BY FLATULENCE! — WWN

4     Father tickles 8-year-old son to death! — WWN

3     REAL TRUTH ABOUT BABY ANIMALS! — WWN

2     STUPID SQUIRRELS FORGET WHERE THEY HIDE THEIR NUTS, say researchers — WWN

1     DUCK OF DEATH! — SUN

10   Is Elvis a vampire? — WWN

9     Baby born — with treasure map on its back! — WWN

8     Crook swallows fortune in diamonds and bleeds to death! — WWN

7     BIG-EARED TRIBE WORSHIPS PRINCE CHARLES! — SUN

6     MONKEYS KIDNAP 14 CHILDREN! — WWN

5     Sniffing cow dung enhances creativity! — WWN

4     Mile-deep mystery objects spark molemen invasion fear — WWN

3     ALIENS PREFER NEW-AGE MUSIC — WWN

2     Woman jailed for carving a radish into obscene figure! — WWN

1     MAMMOTH BURGERS! — SUN

10   CANNIBALS ORDER PIZZA — THEN EAT THE DELIVERYMAN! — WWN

9     Dentist kills werewolf by giving him silver fillings! — WWN

8     POLTER-GANGSTER! ‘Evil ghost wants $50,000 to leave me alone’ — WWN

7     SPEED-READER BANNED FROM BOOKSTORE FOR READING THOUSANDS OF NOVELS . . . without buying a single one! — WWN

6     Shoplifter hides snakes in his pants! — WWN

5     NASA FINDS ALIEN ‘PORT-A-POTTY’ ON THE MOON! — WWN

4     TITANIC WAS SUNK BY SPACE ALIEN SUB! — WWN

3     Earth being used as ALIEN GARBAGE DUMP! — SUN

2     Scientists light millions of new homes — using elephant dung! — WWN

1     CASTRO MOONS DINNER GUESTS — WWN

MAY 2000

9     Man eats 19 friends — after getting them dead drunk! — WWN

8     SMOKE-RING KING CHOKES TO DEATH ON STAGE! — WWN

7     Woman driver chokes to death on her lipstick — WWN

6     Chihuahua gets Great Dane pregnant! — SUN

5     Most UFOs look like regular planes! — WWN

4     PSYCHIC LOBSTER EARNS GAMBLER $4 MILLION! — WWN

3     Dingbat jet-setters sniffing lizard poop to get high! — WWN

2     Man electrocuted on toilet seat! — WWN

1     OUTHOUSE HORROR! — WWN

9     Lunatics have weird sweat! — WWN

8     Hypnotist puts audience in a trance — then robs them blind! — WWN

7     I SAW HITLER’S GHOST IN MY CUCKOO CLOCK! — SUN

6     Frozen teddy bears prevent asthma attacks — WWN

5     Parrots laugh at the supernatural! — WWN

4     SNAKE TERRORIZES WOMAN ON THE TOILET! — WWN

3     Raccoon kills zoo elephant! — WWN

2     Hopping-mad kangaroos go on rampage! — WWN

9      POOL MONSTER STRIKES AGAIN! — WWN

8      GIANT HIPPO KILLS 90! — WWN

7      THAT’S ONE BIG RAT! — WWN

6      College kid eats 62 rats! — WWN

5      Rats trained to do household chores! — WWN

4     Hundreds of cats murdered — by Army marksmen! — WWN

3      TACO BELL SPOKESDOG A TAX DODGER? — SUN

2      TWO LIBRARIANS KILLED BY DEADLY BOOKWORMS! — WWN

10    SADDAM HUSSEIN ACTION FIGURE RECALLED — WWN

9      SATAN CREATED DINOSAURS! — WWN

8      ROACHES ARE OLDER THAN DINOSAURS! — WWN

7      CITY FORCED TO CLOSE MAGIC TOILET — WWN

6      MAN SPEARED BY TOOTHBRUSH & LIVES! — WWN

5      FARMER SUFFERS HEART ATTACK — & RIDES COW 5 MILES FOR HELP! — WWN

4      MALE VAMPIRES ARE LOUSY LOVERS! — WWN

3      NATO TROOPS CAPTURE VAMPIRE WAR CRIMINALS! — WWN

2      WOMAN TRAPPED UNDER UTILITY POLE CHEWS OFF ARM TO ESCAPE! — WWN

10     Lose up to 250 pounds on new "Squeaky Pork Chop’ diet — WWN

9       Dog comes home from a walk — carrying a LIVE grenade! — WWN

8       NEO-NAZI NUT CRUSHED BY 50-FOOT SWASTIKA! — WWN

7       MAN SMASHES BOSS’ DESK WITH URINAL! —WWN

6       PRIEST CALLED IN TO EXORCISE TOILET — WWN

5       Smoking singles can’t get dates! — WWN

4       Descendant of Jesus’ killer slapped with wrongful death lawsuit! — WWN

3       Lightning bolt zaps turkey — AND COOKS IT TO A GOLDEN BROWN! — WWN

2       A SPACE ALIEN TRIED TO MATE WITH MY HARLEY! — WWN

10     Pregnant gal in chain saw road rage ‘massacre’ — SUN

9       INSURANCE COMPANY REPLACES KIDNAPPED CHILDREN WITH BRAND-NEW KIDS! — WWN

8       Desperate mom uses her baby to beat lioness to death! — WWN

7       Winnie the Pooh can kill you! — SUN

6       IT’S ALIVE! Wriggling teddy bear found stuffed with snakes! — WWN

5       Scientists isolate nose-picking gene! — WWN

4       Burglar drowns in vat of beer! — WWN

3       WATER FOUND ON MOON IS ASTRONAUT PEE! — WWN

2       Sex with a ghost is a sin. declare church leaders! — WWN